


Natasha just wants a wedding

by rinnya



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Background Relationships, Casual Sex, Domestic Avengers, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Open Relationships, Sex, Threesome - F/M/M, Wedding, Weird, weird relationships, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 17:39:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13722732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnya/pseuds/rinnya
Summary: See, the thing is, Natasha’s not lonely.She has very wonderful best friends, a not-so-wonderful team (but, they are still her team who she knows has her back), and a maybe-almost-not quite-but possibly boyfriend who she’s been coyly dancing around for a couple of months.But across from where she’s dangling off the fire escape from maybe-boyfriend’s apartment, through the window, there’s a young woman excitedly leafing through bridal magazines and her partner clicking through something on their phone with their hands entangled, and Natasha scowls.She wants a wedding.A Natasha/Steve that eventually turns into a Natasha/Steve/Bucky. A product of my drunk confused mind.





	Natasha just wants a wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty sure I was drunk writing this, but hey, i wrote it.

**Natasha just wants a wedding**

See, the thing is, Natasha’s not lonely.

She has very wonderful best friends, a not-so-wonderful team (but, they are still her team who she knows has her back), and a maybe-almost-not quite-but possibly boyfriend who she’s been coyly dancing around for a couple of months.

But across from where she’s dangling off the fire escape from maybe-boyfriend’s apartment, through the window, there’s a young woman excitedly leafing through bridal magazines and her partner clicking through something on their phone with their hands entangled, and Natasha scowls.

She wants a wedding.

Maybe-boyfriend isn’t real-boyfriend as of yet, but Natasha’s been alive for who-knows-how-long and maybe-boyfriend has been frantically trying to chase down his own maybe-boyfriend and while Natasha’s all cool for an open relationship like that, she kind of wants a wedding all to herself, something she can fuss and squeal over and have a legitimate reason to fight about colour palettes about.

Anyways, she wants a wedding.

Natasha scowls harder, and picks the lock to maybe-boyfriend’s apartment window.

Steve’s kinda asleep but also not really, and he startles awake when Natasha slithers into his bedroom and glares at him.

“Hey babe,” Steve says, sleepily. Natasha’s frown deepens.

“It’s two,” Natasha points out, accusingly, like Steve doesn’t deserve sleep regardless of what time it is, and Steve doesn’t point out that it’s two in the goddamn morning, but he does make adorable grabby-motions with his hands.

Natasha throws the covers off, then buries her face in Steve’s crotch.

“Marry me,” Natasha tells Steve’s dick.

“What?” Steve says, like he doesn’t have super hearing.

“I said, fuck me,” Natasha says, louder.

Steve blinks at her. “It’s two,” he says.

Natasha sighs, still face down in Steve’s boxers, then licks a long wet stripe all the way up.

Steve blinks at her, again, and then two hours later when the couple across the street have turned their lights off and Steve has smeared his disgusting spit all over Natasha’s boobs, he says, “did you ask me to marry you?”

“I want a wedding,” Natasha says, for clarification.

“We’re not dating,” Steve points out.

Natasha glares at his stupid blond head. “But I want a wedding.”

Steve stays silent.

“I want a big wedding with a ceremony at the beach and a large poofy dress and overpriced shrimp hors d’oeuvres,” Natasha says.

“You think beach weddings are cliche,” Steve points out, like the mood-killer he is, never mind that he still has his dick inside her, “you say wearing poofy dresses is not giving justice to your killer figure, and you hate shrimp.”

“I want a wedding,” Natasha says, again, softer.

“I want go to sleep,” Steve kisses her on the nose, then buries his face in her hair and starts snoring.

Natasha’s still bitter about the wedding, but Steve is a great big-spoon and Natasha’s warm, so she lets herself fall asleep, too.

\--

“Captain America ties the knot with ex-soviet double agent assassin,” Steve hums, at 7am in the morning, and Natasha narrows her eyes at him.

“Beloved National Icon off the eligible bachelors list,” Steve says, and Natasha puts her pants on and ignores him.

“Babe,” Steve says again, and Natasha flips him off and walks out the front door.

Ugh. Maybe-boyfriends. Whatever.

\--

Come to think of it, Natasha’s a little hard on Steve. She did spring the wedding thing on him a little abruptly, and they’re not even dating, but she is kinda bitter about Steve pointing out about the whole not-dating thing, so she decides to keep ignoring him.

\--

Natasha goes shopping with Clint. Clint’s cool, and he’s bored too so she’s using him as arm candy and parading him through the street. Steve’s right - she does hate poofy dresses, but she’s wearing one anyway, fuck you Steve.

She thinks she’ll suck Clint’s dick later, if she has fun on their date.

They pass by Steve on the street, because of course.

“You’re stealing my girlfriend,” Steve says, indignant, loud enough to draw attention of the passers-by.

“She’s not your girlfriend.” Clint points out, the same time Natasha flips him off.

Steve frowns at her and says, “and after I spent all that money on a ring.”

Natasha says, “what.”

Steve gets down on one knee.

Oh boy.

Clint’s grinning.

“Marry me,” Steve says.

Oh my god.

Natasha does what an ex-soviet double agent assassin does best. She freaks out, throws her purse in Steve’s face, and bolts.

She can hear Clint telling Steve, “that’s Natasha for yes,” and Steve laughing in the background.

Fucker.

\--

Natasha gets a fake-ID and flies to Beijing.

Ugh, Steve.

She’s grinning as she checks into the hotel, though.

\--

A month later, when she’s Jacqueline Woo in Philippines and holding on to a bag of whatever-it-is that is actually really delicious and she thinks she’ll send a crateful back to America, she gets a text.

It’s a picture from an unknown sender. She thinks it’s Clint.

It’s a picture of one Steven Grant Rogers and one James Buchanan Barnes, both in full battle armor, making out. With a burning car in the background.

That Fucker.

\--

She catches Steve red handed, or rather pants down, or more specifically dick-in-mouth, still in his fucking Captain America uniform, in an abandoned car park in Ohio.

“What about killing people makes you horny, Rogers,” she snaps.

The Winter Soldier blinks at her, pulls his pants up, pats Steve on the head, and starts to pick up dead Hydra Agents.

Steve doesn’t look guilty in the slightest. “You look great, babe,” he says, like he doesn’t have his hands over his dick and sex-hair.

He looks fucking hot.

Natasha thinks she can add, “fuck Captain America in a Hydra base with the Winter Soldier clearing bodies in the background” in her list of achievements.

\--

Natasha starts seeing James around after that.

Which is, actually fucking weird, because the last time she saw the Winter Soldier on a regular basis, was back in 1970 where it had been his dick in her ass, and not in Steve’s.

Which, speaking of, was the worst maybe-boyfriend she has ever had.

Captain America wouldn’t treat her like this - except he did, and he is.

Ugh.

Captain America also calls the Winter Soldier “Bucky” which is a stupid name and she refuses to think of his as Bucky, so she calls him James. Or Fucky.

But then Steve seems to pick up on it, too, except when he calls James Fucky, he seems to take it as a goddamn invitation and starts unbuckling his plans, like he’s a horny dog who has to hump the closest Steve Rogers when his name is being called.

Which is no fun for Natasha at all, because why is the Winter fucking Soldier getting all the action? She hasn’t seen Steve in like, a month? And he blows her off for the some wayward assassin he picked up on the street or something.

And she still hasn’t gotten her wedding.

Ugh.

\--

Natasha reads a wedding magazine because she’s bored and Steve and James are going at it in the other room like rabbits, and then she throws said magazine down and busts the room doors open.

They don’t pay her any mind, because she’s sure the Winter Soldier doesn’t care and Steve looks rather preoccupied, and she decides to stay because she’s horny and a voyeur and she has never seen Steve bottom before, and then suddenly Natasha’s got her hand down her shorts.

James turns around and smirks wickedly at her.

Oh, what the fuck. He’s fucking hot, too.

And then Natasha’s got Steve Rogers’ mouth on her mouth and some James Barnes in her ass, and after that she has both of them making a Natasha sandwich with their dicks, and then after that it’s a little blurry.

Oh, whatever.

\--

Natasha’s still not very sure what their relationship status is, but she really wants her fucking wedding.

She goes out with Clint again, who just grins at her.

“You’re an asshole,” she says.

“You love my asshole,” Clint says back, and loops his arm in hers.

“Let’s pick me a bridal dress,” Natasha says, and what the heck, why not? She does want that wedding, Steve Rogers be damned.

Except that he’s her groom and he probably has another man in his bed right now, but whatever, because Natasha had that same man in her bed an hour ago, and it’s a rather complicated affair.

She does find a dress, that’s dark and sparkly and not poofy at all in the slightest, and then she sucks Clint’s dick because Steve and James and her aren’t really dating, anyways, whatever.

And then she gets home and Steve is sitting in a pile of wedding brochures and staring at his laptop, and he looks up and says, “the theme is not going to be red, white or blue.”

Steve’s kinda an okay maybe-boyfriend, she adds as an afterthought.

\--

James hates weddings.

He says so very explicitly, over dinner, in which dinner is chinese takeout and pizza and also Steve.

Natasha says, “what?”

James says, “they’re over the top. Stupid.”

Steve says, “You used to think weddings were sweet and emotional.”

James says, “food doesn’t talk.”

Natasha says, “well I don’t care. I want a fucking wedding.”

James says, “don’t expect me to be a part of it.”

Natasha says, “you can’t marry 2 people at once anyways.”

James scowls at her.

Steve blows a raspberry at her hip.

\--

Pepper says, “I didn’t know you and Steve were getting married,” and Natasha feels a little bad because Pepper is great and Pepper is an angel and Pepper stands between Stark and him meddling in her wedding.

So Natasha says, “sorry Pep.”

And Pepper says, “I’ll bankroll you,” and there’s that.

\--

Steve and Natasha do fight over colour palettes. James yawns, and Natasha starts to fight him, so Steve sends his palette over to Pepper while she’s distracted and sweeps up the damage from where Natasha tackled James through the wall.

Cheating Fucker.

\--

They have a beach wedding anyways, because it’s one of Stark’s island beaches and there’s a volcano in the background, and there are overpriced shrimp hors d'oeuvres and other sorts of d’oeuvres or whatever, and it’s all very dramatic and expensive.

Natasha’s in her non-poofy dress but Steve wears the poofy dress anyways for the ceremony because he’s a fucker, but he does change into a tux for the reception because there’s no way in hell Natasha’s taking photos with her groom in a poofy dress. James is there too, in a matching tux and looking wildly out of place.

Thor gives a rousing speech about love and bravery amd comradery and Tony gets drunk and passes out under a palm tree, and Natasha cheats on Steve a little with Clint (but that was before the ceremony, and technically they weren’t dating or married yet so it’s ok.) And then James looks her up and down and pulls her in for a quickie under an active volcano, and Steve spends the whole time looking for them.

It’s all really fucking romantic, and Natasha loves it.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that I've been procrastinating my other stories! Ahh!


End file.
